Life, And Knowing What To Do With It

Hello!

Recently I've realised that I've reached a sticky point in my life: knowing what I want to do with it.

Since a very young age, I've always come up with very serious ideas of what I wanted to do. At 7, it was a children's novelist, at 12, it was a journalist, and at 17, it was a translator. At 18, I finished A levels and all of a sudden I had no idea. Knowing that I didn't want to go to university from the beginning of AS, the only option was to find an apprenticeship. But what in? This, I had no clue either. I went to job fairs, I trawled through vacancies on the internet, I applied for highly competitive apprenticeship programmes and was unsuccessful. What was there left to do? Terrified that I would be leaving college imminently with nothing yet secured, I got a job as an apprentice business administrator.

Now, for my first experience of the 'world of work', this was a good step. I earn a good wage and I've learnt so many things and picked up experience that I never imagined I would. I'm lucky to have fallen into a job with a company that values me as a person and gives me some autonomy over how I go about my work. But is it what I want to do forever? Definitely not. Then again, what do I want to do? I realise that I am only 19 and have a lifetime of choices to make concerning my career, but I'm scared. I've always been very passionate about having goals and working towards them, so the idea that I now don't know what these goals are is jarring.

Adults who have already established themselves in the working world make it look so easy. I see working professionals walking around London in their smart suits, tapping away with purpose on their company laptops and I find it hard to imagine myself in the same position. I wonder if that will ever be me, and most importantly, how the hell do I get there? How do adults do it? I'd pay anyone good money to tell me that secret. I applaud those who have it figured out and have found a career path they love.

I suppose what I'm really yearning for is to feel fulfilled. I'm happy with my life and all of the things I've achieved so far, but I want that moment where somebody asks me what I do for a living and my face lights up and I reply, 'I work as (whatever future me works as when this question is next asked) and I love my job!'. Isn't that what everybody wants? It's a craving that I'm going to make my goal until I finally make it a reality.

I'm learning that the best things in life are the things you enjoy the most and are the things that give you a sense of place and joy in a world that can be dull and daunting. I'm aware that we can't always love everything we do and work won't always be fun, sunshine and rainbows, but that's not what I'm after. I'm after success and passion for I do, whatever that may be. We all have completely different definitions of what success and happiness look like and I'm telling you now - that is okay. We are allowed to be different (how boring would it be if we were all the same??). It doesn't matter if you take a different route to achieve your career, take a few tumbles along the way, at some point have no idea what you're to do with your life, have a breakdown and change the path. It does not mean that you're doing it wrong. You're doing you. You're allowed to make mistakes and you are allowed to not know where the next road will take you.

So, I may not know where I'll be in 5 years time, but I do know that I am going to do whatever it takes to find my definition of career happiness and success, my way.

Have a great weekend,

Stacey x